Swimming in a Pool of Godly Medicine

I just don’t know what the next step is…

I’m trying to live in the moment…the here and now…but it’s so difficult to disassociate my mind from being so concerned about what my actions in the here and now will do to effect the future.  

I feel like i’ve reached a place where I’ve been following this path for so long, and now I’ve come to the edge of something vast and open.  Like walking all my life down a particular path to get to the sea, then having nothing left to do but swim out in to the abyss and attempt to navigate myself to what’s next.  There are so many different directions to go…

All I know to do for now is just to keep staring out in to the ocean hoping for something to feel right and pull me towards it.  Until then, I’m just gonna relax and take in the beauty of my accomplishments.  Denton has marked the end of a long journey for me, and while I’m not ready to move on just yet, the endeavor should be addressed before too long.  

So world…where to next?

Life is so funny sometimes.  I never would have thought in a million years that I would be in the place in my life I’ve come to.  What’s even more ironic is that I’ve said that exact statement multiple times in my life.  It’s an interesting thing to constantly surprise yourself but at least it’s never dull…  

I have a job that I really enjoy but never expected to have.  I have known for a very long time that I wanted to help people in some capacity during my life however I just didn’t quite expect this.  It’s a great experience and I enjoy the work although it’s just simply something I never really expected to do.  I know that it’s not something I will be doing forever, or even for much longer, but nevertheless it has turned out to be just great for me.

It’s a good thing I have a stable job because other things in my life are not quite as stable.  I wouldn’t say that my life is particularly unstable or that it’s terrible and out of control, I’m just referring to the period of your life that directly follows a serious breakup.  It’s not the most fun place to be I can assure, but I know that everyday it makes me stronger for having had to go through these difficulties.  It’s still quite painful even though I did most of the breaking up because I still care a great deal for him.  I just hope he knows that and I hope he knows I only wish him the absolute best in life.  

I’m really looking forward to where my life goes from here.  It’s all very unclear and a little frightening now, but I know that through the haze there are lots of good things waiting to be discovered.  I’m excited to spend some time alone to really sort out what it is I want from life and who I want to share that life with!  In the meantime however I’m just going to go with the flow of life and see what happens.

So here’s to new beginnings life!  Bring it!

J’adore la langue Française!! : )  

I begin eternity,
And end space,
At the end of time,
And in every place,
Last in life,
Second to death,
Never alone,
Found in your breath,
Contained by earth,
Water or flame,
My grandeur so awesome,
Wind dare not tame,
Not in your mind,
Am in your dreams,
Vacant to Kings,
Present to Queens.

What am I??

Yesterday I watched a bit of educational television about ancient aliens, the Vatican, and the end of days.  Ancient history is such a wonderfully fascinating subject!  Even as a child in church I would always ask Sunday school teachers if we could learn about Revelations and the apocalyptic prophecies from the past.  While I would certainly not classify myself as a Christian now, I find it harder and harder to ignore the things around me that are pointed out from ancient history.  Personally, I consider most of the New Testament to be quite a lot of rubbish.  The Old Testament on the other hand if looked at as a story is wonderful!  A friend of mine actually gifted me a Bible per her request and I accepted knowing that I would enjoy reading a large amount of it without studying it for religious purposes.  Currently I’m working on Revelations as I find that the most fascinating book of the entire bible : ).

Something interesting to add that helps to segue me in to my next topic is to analyze the way that the media was presented last night.  I LOVE examining media and would consider it something that now comes naturally to me after the years of training from UNT.  I would have to speculate that the order in which the shows were broadcast was deliberate and purposeful.  A 3-4 hour special on the Vatican played continuously (the last hour of the program being about Revelations) except with 30 minute exceptions in between each time it re-played.  This 30 minutes was filled with the “Ancient Aliens” show.  How clever it seems to play a show about the mysteries of Catholicism and the Pope, then scare you at the end with frightening and disturbing depictions of the great prophesied apocalypse.  Afterward, that ancient alien show broadcasts.  This describes events in ancient history being explained by extra terrestrial interference, mainly events depicted in the Bible.  Now they have you learning about Catholicism and Christianity, scared about the end of the world, and believing that unexplainable events from ancient history actually happened almost exactly as described in the text thanks to divine extra terrestrial intervention.  Coincidence?  Conspiracy?  I find it difficult not to question the possibility of propaganda in a country that so desperately clings to Christianity within its government.  

Aside from my opinion that America is attempting to indoctrinate the world with Christianity, there were actually some extremely convincing aspects to both documentaries that were very though provoking.  While the alien program did focus a lot on biblical occurrences, they also touched on other topics outside of Christianity such as Stonehenge and other religious texts.  Considering the extremely vast size of the universe around our tiny planet and the unexplainable events that have occurred throughout time, the idea of aliens having played some role in all of it seems more and more credible.  Just an idea I will open my mind to more and more although nothing but time will reveal the truth : )